Marcel Winatschek

Know Your Muff

A friend named Tina sent me a link the other day, and I want to discuss it as a legitimate cultural artifact, which it absolutely is not, but I’m going to anyway.

The site is called Guess Her Muff. The premise is exactly what it sounds like: you’re shown a photo of a woman, and you have to correctly identify her pubic hair situation. Brazil? Hollywood? Full bush? Sphinx? It is simultaneously the stupidest and most focused thing I’ve encountered on the internet in months. There’s an idiotic purity to it—no pretension, no algorithm, no engagement metrics. Just a question and the urgent need to be right.

I’m not saying it made me a better person. I’m saying I spent twenty minutes on it and felt a very specific kind of brain-empty calm that I usually only get from extremely long showers. Train the eye. Sharpen the instincts. Put them to absolutely no use whatsoever.