Marcel Winatschek

When the Planets Align

Dark confession. Alongside a fully defensible attraction to Nora Tschirner—German actress, widely and correctly considered delightful—I carry certain other feelings that are harder to justify in polite company. Collien Fernandes. Sandy Meyer-Wölden. Gülcan, the Turkish-German TV presenter, as long as she doesn’t open her mouth. I know exactly how this reads.

But none of that compares to what I’m about to admit. When the planets line up and the year is right, I find Giulia Siegel attractive. Giulia Siegel: daughter of Ralph Siegel, the German schlager producer who has inflicted decades of rhinestone pop on this country, former Playboy model, working DJ, a woman who drinks cold beer and eats dark chocolate and has been photographed completely naked. I am not made of stone.

Sixty men evidently agree—sixty men with considerably more organizational ambition than I’ve ever had—because Giulia in Love ran as a reality show where they all competed for her attention. My chances were already poor. Against sixty I never stood a shot. I wish them all the luck in the world and go back to Nora.