Ten Little Missions

Gray Powell, an Apple engineer, left an iPhone 4 prototype in a bar in Redwood City and got briefly famous for it. That’s mission two this weekend: impersonate him and see if Apple guilt-trips you onto a free flight somewhere. But first, mission one: cut your toenails. They’ve needed it for longer than you’re willing to admit.

Three: drink five Red Bull shots back to back and determine empirically whether the stuff is actually lethal. Four: let your little sister find out you tried. Five: save Lindsay Lohan. Somebody has to eventually.

Six: join a street gang and persuade them, through patience or light bribery, to perform the Pokémon theme at full volume in a public square. Seven: press five euros and a lollipop into a small child’s hand, then spend an afternoon being chased across the German countryside by a special operations unit. Eight: acquire sixty kilograms of mixed ground beef and throw it the filthiest party of its brief existence. Nine: push one of your Twitter followers past their limit, then look everyone in the eye and explain calmly that your account was hacked. Ten: illegally download a David Hasselhoff track, feel genuinely invincible—assuming you don’t get caught, which you probably won’t.