Blue Eyes by Appointment

A California doctor has figured out how to burn the brown out of your eyes. Laser technology, twenty seconds, done—the melanin is gone from your iris and you’re left with whatever pale blue was hiding underneath all along. Dr. Homer has apparently been working on this for a decade, which is either dedicated science or a very expensive commitment to a very specific idea of beauty.

The emails he gets from potential patients are revealing in the most unintentional way. People writing to tell him that the eyes are the windows to the soul and brown ones are apparently blocking the view. I appreciate the honesty. The hierarchy has always been there; we’ve just usually had the manners not to say it out loud.

The procedure is still in the trial phase, currently being tested on volunteers willing to let a man point a laser at their iris for cosmetic reasons. In a few years it’ll run about $5,000 and be available to anyone with the money and the conviction. And conviction is the right word—this is permanent and irreversible. Once the melanin is gone, it’s gone. No going back to being brown-eyed and vaguely moody about it.

For the truly committed—already bleaching the hair, already doing everything else—this is the logical final step. The full transformation. Hitler’s dream, basically, or just Norwegian. At $5,000 a pop, you’re really in it.