Jesus Drops the Bass

Christmas is technically about the birth of the son of God. Two thousand years ago, somewhere in the desert, a carpenter’s wife had a complicated night and Christianity got its origin story. If you were an altar boy—or enrolled in any other junior cult with robes and incense—you know the rest.

The traditional domestic observance involves a recorder played badly in the living room, or someone’s keyboard cycling through "Jingle Bells" until the goodwill runs out. Perfectly adequate. Very 1992. There is, however, a more spiritually ambitious option for the chaos-inclined.

Christian Dubstep is a real genre. Someone looked at the bass-heavy, drug-adjacent, warehouse-rave aesthetic of dubstep—a genre practically engineered for chemical assistance and strobe lights—and decided this was where Jesus lives now. Tracks called "God Gave Me," "O Praise Him," and "Forgive Me," delivered via wobbling sub-bass and synth drops that would rattle grandma’s chair clean across the kitchen. Shrieking highs and thumping, holy lows. Skrillex would be proud. The Lord, presumably, is delighted.

There’s something almost poetic about it. Every musical genre, once it achieves enough cultural saturation, eventually gets baptized by the Christian music industry. It happened to rock. More or less. Dubstep was always going to be next. And honestly—if a genre can survive being colonized by people who genuinely believe in miracles, it can survive anything. Yeah, dubstep forever.