Seed Bombs and Grilled Cheese Pornography
A French research team published a paper this week suggesting the only reliable way to confirm the existence of the G-spot is dissection, which is either the most thorough scientific disclaimer ever written or a personal problem for someone specific. Either way, the headlines were magnificent.
Meanwhile, a woman in Virginia won the lottery twice in the same week. Not two tickets in the same draw—two separate lotteries, back to back. The probability of this is essentially fictional, which means either the universe has favorites or statistical improbability is much cheaper than it pretends to be. She seems pleasant about it. I would not be pleasant about it.
BuzzFeed ran a post this week titled, without apparent irony, as grilled cheese pornography. Close-up photographs of melted cheese pulling apart from bread. Heat, gloss, the slow elongating strand. I’m not going to tell you I didn’t look at all of them.
Florence Colgate, twenty-one, from Kent, was declared scientifically to have the most mathematically perfect face in Britain after a nationwide competition. Scientists applied the golden ratio to thousands of submissions and landed on her. She is, in fact, genuinely beautiful—symmetrical in the way that makes you briefly suspicious, like looking at something that shouldn’t technically be possible. The internet was predictably strange about it, but the face is real and it’s extraordinary. Beyoncé filed no comment.
Ke$ha was photographed urinating on what appears to be a public pavement. You aren’t supposed to find this attractive. The important thing is knowing the rule exists.
The most quietly radical idea floating around the internet this particular Friday is to go buy flower, herb, and vegetable seed packets and scatter them randomly across the city. Guerrilla gardening as displacement activity. Plants reclaiming terrain from pavement in slow motion. I’ve thought about doing this every spring for years and always found some reason not to. The city could use the color. So could I.