Marcel Winatschek

Winter Is Cumming

Some would argue that Game of Thrones already qualifies as softcore—the sheer volume of heaving breasts and bare backsides HBO packs into any given episode does suggest a certain editorial priority. But apparently that’s not the end of the flagpole. Heh. After porn parodies of The Simpsons, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Avatar, the inevitable has arrived: Game of Bones, the official unofficial sex film set across Westeros, Essos, and Sothoryos, subtitled, with remarkable commitment, "Winter Is Cumming."

The franchise industrial complex eventually produces a version of everything. This was always the obvious candidate—the show’s nudity budget alone suggested someone in the writers’ room was working something out.

Whether Game of Bones will faithfully continue the tangled succession crisis of the Seven Kingdoms, resolve the question of Jon Snow’s parentage, or satisfyingly address Daenerys’s claim to the Iron Throne, I have strong doubts. Strong, hard doubts.