The Shirt Had It Coming

Kate Upton picks up a pair of scissors. The shirt doesn’t stand a chance. That’s essentially the whole thing—a GIF published by Esquire—and yet I’ve watched it enough times to reconsider my agnosticism about a benevolent universe.

For years she existed in that particular amber of American celebrity: endlessly photographed, universally desired, somehow always perfectly contained. Kate Upton is built like a classical argument and she knows it. Terry Richardson photographed her and still couldn’t get there. The internet petitioned every available authority. None of it worked. Then someone at Esquire handed her scissors.

I have no notes. No criticism. The paradise is exactly as advertised.