Everything Should Smell Like Bacon

Somewhere out there, someone at Archie McPhee had the thought that what the shower gel market was missing was the smell of frying bacon, and they were right. The product exists. It is real. Instead of synthetic bergamot or whatever green tea nightmare usually greets you in the morning, you can lather up with something that smells like a Saturday breakfast, which is an objectively better way to start the day.

The only real hazard is leaving the house. Every dog within a half-mile radius becomes your shadow. Every person you pass on the subway develops a sudden, inexplicable craving they can’t trace. You become, briefly, a walking brunch. There are worse things to be.