A Fetish Gap I Didn’t Know Existed

Virtual worlds have let me do things no court on earth could hold against me. Shot innocent old men off bicycles mid-traffic just to bounce on their bodies. Bulldozed entire residential blocks to build nuclear plants nobody voted for. Played a gay starship captain who fucked alien lifeforms in a cabin decorated with dead fish. None of it prepared me for this.

A developer called Mr. Boonstra built a browser game called Shave Them Titties, and the title is the entire design document: a pair of spectacularly hairy breasts hover on screen, waiting for you to work a razor through them. We’re talking coverage that would make a neglected winter armpit look minimal.

What the point is, I honestly can’t tell you. Maybe it’s a fetish delivery system for a niche I hadn’t previously clocked. Maybe it’s pure absurdism—the game equivalent of a shrug. It does occur to me that it could function as a kind of rehearsal, a low-stakes simulation for keeping your own parts tidy in places the razor doesn’t naturally want to go. Or maybe it just closes a gap none of us knew was open. Either way: it’s a game, and games are there to be won.