Twelve Courses, One Can, Zero Obligations

No friends, family long since resigned to your choices, the word "relationship" appearing in your life primarily as a streaming genre—Christmas Tinner was designed with you in mind. With me in mind, if I’m being honest about certain Decembers.

GAME, the UK games retailer, produced a twelve-course Christmas meal pressed into a single can, stacked in horizontal layers like geological sediment: scrambled eggs and bacon near the top, then turkey, roast potatoes, stuffing, Brussels sprouts, carrots, parsnips, and Christmas pudding somewhere down near the bottom. The whole assembly heats in one go. You eat it without leaving the couch. You don’t have to speak to anyone. You can have House of Cards running from the beginning before the tin has even cooled.

I can’t tell whether this started as a joke that somehow got manufactured or a product that became a joke in the telling, and I’m not sure the distinction matters. The tin exists. Christmas is now optional.