Looks that did something to me

White pants, a great ass filling them out exactly right, cash held loose in one hand, expression that says she’s already made her decisions about you: I want her confidence and her money and, yes, her ass. Not apologizing for any of that.

Running around all in white like a walking Apple Store gets even the most dedicated Stormtrooper’s nerves eventually. Get Adidas to sponsor you, earn some extra income on the side, call it an upgrade.

Anyone who wrote off camo was wrong. When the dress, the sneakers, the legs, the hair, and the wall behind her all exist in the same visual register—that’s not an accident, that’s a look. Everything checks out.

If you’re playing hard in your small town and already hiding from the cops behind the Aldi because someone breathed weed smoke at you on the street, consider that the cacti in this photo are measurably cooler than you. Not slightly. By a significant margin.

Who decided I can’t play basketball shirtless when I want to play basketball shirtless? Nobody, that’s who. If only I weren’t so catastrophically bad at basketball, this would be a more compelling lifestyle choice.

A woman grinning at me like that from a couch—slow, unhurried, completely aware of what she’s doing to the room—I’d say something I’d regret within about thirty seconds. Still absolutely worth it.