Marcel Winatschek

What Marc’s Third CD Taught Me About Madonna

In ninth grade, my best friend Marc handed me three CDs full of porn. The first disc was the standard fantasy—women in their thirties dressed as schoolgirls, lollipops and pigtails, the full production. The second had grainy copies of bad Dolly Buster films. The third, for reasons nobody ever explained, was several hundred megabytes of naked older women. The kind I recognized from late-night premium-rate infomercials on sports TV. Call me!

I clicked through anyway, because of course I did. Some of them looked decent for their age. It still didn’t do anything for me.

Madonna’s new shoot for Interview Magazine, photographed by Mert & Marcus, reminds me of that third disc. She’s 56, the breasts are better preserved than most things from that era, and I genuinely respect the commitment. But no. I’ll wait for the first artistically compromising nude photos of Selena Gomez. Some men have a type and some men have standards; I remain, stubbornly, both.