Fifty Strips of Emergency Bacon, Ready for the End of the World

Assume the zombie apocalypse arrives—which it will, eventually, in one form or another. Civilization collapses, power grids go dark, supply chains dissolve, your fridge becomes a science experiment. What do you actually grieve? Not your loved ones, obviously—they’re right there, also confused. Not functioning government. Not the internet, after the first few weeks. Bacon. That’s what you grieve.

CMMG, a firearms manufacturer out of Missouri with priorities I deeply respect, solved this. They sell fifty pre-cooked strips of bacon sealed in a black tin for around fifteen dollars. Shelf life: up to ten years. No refrigeration, no preparation, just pork fat preserved with alarming foresight. The fact that it’s a gun company making emergency bacon says everything about the American survival market, and I mean that in the most affectionate possible way. There’s something almost poetic about it—the same company that sells you the means to defend yourself also ensures you have something worth defending.

I’m not saying I’ve ordered one. I’m also not saying I haven’t thought about it every time I walk past a hardware store.