The Man Who Replaced the Crust with French Fries

I was doing fine. Through a sustained internal monologue that only holds up when you’re very hungry and committed to suffering, I had convinced myself I was now a person who ate lean fish and salad and the occasional slice of cucumber. Not the carbs. Absolutely never the carbs. And then Clifford Endo from Brooklyn had to go and do this.

Endo runs a food blog called Foodinese where he posts recipes with no apparent interest in your dietary situation. His french fry pizza is exactly what it sounds like: a pizza where the base is not dough but a dense, thick layer of fries, topped with cheese and salami and whatever else you feel like destroying yourself with. He just made it. Posted the recipe. Walked away.

The thing is, everyone who has ever eaten pizza has had that thought—a small, shameful impulse, quickly strangled—that what this needs is fries. You don’t say it aloud because you’d like to preserve the impression that you have some relationship with restraint. Endo felt no such pressure. He skipped the shame entirely and went straight to the logical conclusion. I need to make this immediately and never tell anyone I did.