Three Clips on a Loop

My working theory is that Sports Illustrated has approximately three distinct pieces of footage of Kate Upton. Beach. Ice rink. Zero gravity. They’ve been recutting this material for years—different music, different edit rhythm, sometimes she speaks, sometimes she just exists—and releasing each version as a fresh discovery, a new testament to an ongoing miracle.

I don’t care. I want to be very clear about that. I genuinely, completely, with full awareness of what I’m doing, do not care. She laughs. She smiles. She wears things that are technically swimwear. She hops, occasionally. She dances when the song calls for it. The setting changes but the essential fact does not change, and the essential fact is that Kate Upton is one of the most beautiful women alive and Sports Illustrated has figured out how to distribute that fact indefinitely.

Every video. All of them. I’ll post every single one that comes out of that editorial machine, regardless of ostensible theme, regardless of whether the underlying conceit makes any narrative sense, regardless of whether anyone else on the internet still cares or has moved on to the next thing. This is a commitment I’ve made and I intend to honor it.

The reasoning isn’t complicated.