Nine Out of Ten

The honest position, from where I’m sitting, is that most men are genuinely bad at this. Not because the information isn’t available—there’s been no shortage of guides, health ed materials, frustrated complaints passed between women like contraband—but because for a lot of men the female body during sex functions primarily as scenery for what they’re actually focused on, which is themselves. The result is a lot of frantic, ineffective motion in the vicinity of the right address.

Kristina Weitkamp runs a German-language YouTube channel called Fickt euch! that covers sex ed with the kind of specificity and directness that formal education never manages. Her video on how to properly finger someone is exactly what it sounds like: practical, explicit, and blunt enough to cut through the confident incompetence that passes for technique in most bedrooms.

The things she covers aren’t complicated. Don’t treat the clitoris like you’re trying to chip ice off a windshield. Understand that a tense expression and a contorted one aren’t the same thing. Know where your hands actually are, what pressure you’re using, whether the feedback you’re getting is real or just the sound of someone waiting for you to figure it out. The bar is lower than it should be, which means clearing it isn’t as hard as the general confusion around it suggests.

I watched it and recognized several specific failure modes from my own history. That’s the useful thing about explicit practical instruction—it doesn’t let you stay abstract about your own behavior. It’s easy to tell yourself you’re attentive, careful, generous. It’s harder to watch a clear description of what you’ve been doing wrong and not place yourself in it accurately.

This isn’t only for people who are new to all of it. It’s for anyone operating on assumption rather than actual attention—which covers more people than would voluntarily admit it. When was the last time you left someone genuinely undone? Worth sitting with that.