The Most Prolific Lover in Hollywood Has Never Left Belgium

Robert is a perfectly ordinary young man from Belgium who has slept with more famous people than anyone alive. Taylor Swift, Selena Gomez, Mila Kunis, Katy Perry, Margot Robbie, Lady Gaga—he’s had them all. Justin Bieber, Barack Obama, David Beckham too. An extraordinary record, achieved entirely through Photoshop and a willingness to close his eyes.

He goes by Average Rob on Instagram, which is already the whole joke in two words. He edits himself into photos of celebrities—always asleep, always prone, always looking like a man who has simply run out of fucks to give—and posts them with the casual indifference of someone who has genuinely been there and genuinely cannot be bothered to care. It’s a perfect bit.

The name is load-bearing. "Average" is doing real work. Not aspirational Rob, not ambitious Rob—just average, mid-tier, present-by-accident Rob, snoring peacefully next to people who spend millions on their image. There’s something almost philosophical about how little he seems to want from these encounters. No eye contact, no conversation, no drama. Just there, asleep, technically in the frame. Maybe humility really is the most reliable aphrodisiac after all.