Learn to Sing First

Germany had a YouTuber named Bibi—Bianca Heinicke—who built an audience of millions doing beauty tutorials and pranks and the general content-machine work that defined the mid-2010s influencer economy. Millions of subscribers. A devoted young fanbase. Then in May 2017 she released a song called How It Is (wap bap…) and the whole country looked up from whatever it was doing.

The song was bad in a specific way that’s hard to convey to anyone who hasn’t heard it—not charmingly amateur, not so-bad-it’s-good, just sincerely and catastrophically bad in the way that only happens when someone with no musical ability is handed a budget and told to go for it. Even devoted fans struggled. The parodies came within hours. The comment sections turned into something between a trial and a wake.

Then she flew to New York, walked up to Miley Cyrus in what appeared to be a managed encounter brokered by some greasy intermediary, and filmed the whole thing. Miley, to her credit, was gracious—she’s a professional. But the expression on her face suggested she had no idea who this person was or why she’d been placed in front of a camera with her.

The internet’s response was swift and merciless. Be glad she hadn’t heard your song first. You can see the disgust in Miley’s eyes. One commenter noted the English was incomprehensible enough to require a translator. The one that cut cleanest came from someone named Johanna: Learn to sing first. Maybe that was always too much to ask.