A Belly Worth Having

The dad bod got its cultural rehabilitation a few years back and I was genuinely relieved. Not because I’m projecting—I mean, I’m working on it—but because the chisel-everything fitness cult demands that your body become your entire personality, and people whose entire personality is their body are exhausting to spend any real time around. A six-pack is fine. A belly is a biography.

Which brings me to the Dadbag, a creation by designer Albert Pukies that is exactly what the name promises: a fanny pack shaped and printed to look like a soft, hairy, middle-aged stomach. You strap it on over your waistband and suddenly you have the full dad bod regardless of what’s underneath. The illusion is committed and slightly horrifying in the best possible way.

It also functions as an actual bag, which is either the best part or an afterthought depending on how much you value utility. You can fit beer in it, or snacks, or whatever else requires a hands-free solution on a given afternoon. The storage is beside the point, though. The point is the belly—the philosophical statement that fitness absolutism can be accessorized away. If you want one, Albert’s site is where you start.