Marcel Winatschek

Certain Women Make Critical Thinking Impossible

I could talk about Cassie’s musical accomplishments. Her creative passion, the way she channels something real into her voice, into the melodies, into the lyrics. I could acknowledge what it takes to carve out space in an industry that would rather you just look good and shut up. All of that is true and none of it is why I’m writing this.

What I actually want to do is sit Cassie naked on a chair, drizzle maple syrup over every inch of her, and spend the better part of a week licking it off. All of it. Every last bit. We’d either end up eloping somewhere warm or a SWAT team would pull me out of a basement while I screamed her name. Both feel like valid outcomes.

Since that scenario is, as they say, both illegal and logistically complicated, I’ll settle for watching the video for Don’t Play It Safe on repeat until my laptop catches fire. Maybe I’ll buy a bottle of maple syrup anyway. Just to have around.