The Numbers Don’t Lie and They’re Not Flattering

Pornhub released its annual year-in-review statistics and it’s the kind of document that tells you more about a country’s collective id than any election result. Porn is one of the more honest cultural mirrors we have, precisely because nobody’s performing for anyone else when they type something into a search bar at midnight.

The country-by-country breakdown is predictably illuminating. Japan goes heavy on hentai and schoolgirls—politely, apparently, which tracks. Canadians favor lesbian content. Brazilians, remarkably, search for video games, which says something about aspiration or perhaps just frustration with Brazil’s notoriously inaccessible console market. South Africans stay close to home demographically. Swedes are really into horny stepsisters, which I did not predict but also cannot argue with.

Germany’s numbers: stepmothers, teenagers, and anal, with a supporting cast of big tits, mature women, and lesbians rounding out the top categories. The German performers who pulled the most searches were Lucy Cat, Katja Krasavice, and Aische Pervers. When it comes to specific acts, the country that once prided itself on poets and philosophers goes completely feral over women getting pissed and cummed on. I’m not judging. I live here too.

Globally, the defining search terms of 2017 were "porn for women," Rick & Morty, and "fidget spinner." The fidget spinner one I genuinely don’t want to think about too hard. VR content and Korean performers made significant gains internationally, and gangbangs were, as the report diplomatically put it, on the rise. There’s a pun in there somewhere but I’ll leave it alone.