The Playboy Problem, or: Why I’d Follow Nora Tschirner Into the Afterlife

I have no idea who Isabel Vollmer is. She’s been in several German television series I’ve never watched and probably never will, and I hope she doesn’t take that personally. My avoidance has nothing to do with her specifically—it’s more that I’d rather press my face into a brick wall at speed than sit through more than two minutes of Til Schweiger in a feature film. Life is finite. I ration accordingly.

That said, appearing in Til Schweiger films is hardly a disqualifying offense. Nora Tschirner has appeared in Til Schweiger films, and Nora Tschirner could march down a city street throwing things through windows and kicking small animals along the way, and I would still be out there celebrating her until one of us dies. Preferably buried next to her, if logistically possible. Stalking, but in the afterlife.

Anyway. Isabel Vollmer posed for Playboy in October 2018, and in the interview she offered this entirely reasonable and completely futile disclaimer: When I see sex scenes, I often think: poor woman. But when you’re actually on set, it’s usually not that bad. Obviously I don’t want someone filming my ass from behind during a scene. I’m not a porn actress! A measured, clearly stated position. Published in a magazine that people open for reasons unrelated to the interview.