Nobody Wanted White Teeth Anymore

The Instagram attention economy eventually produces everything. Every surface gets claimed, every body part becomes content, every default gets inverted in search of the double-take. It was only a matter of time before someone got to the teeth.

A New York cosmetics company called Chrōm makes tooth polish in colors—gold, pink, blue, green—that you apply directly to your teeth and which allegedly lasts 24 hours. The line includes shades called "Pretty in Pink," "Baby Blue," and "Gold Dust." You brush it on, grin, take the photo. That’s the whole thing. You can order them online for around fifteen dollars each.

There’s a logic to it that I actually respect in a bleak sort of way. Everyone on Instagram already has white teeth. The people trying hardest to be noticed have been whitening, bleaching, and veneering for years—white is thoroughly claimed as the standard of aspiration. Difference is the only real currency the platform has left, and if white is the default, then the move is to go somewhere else entirely. Blue teeth is at least unexpected. Gold carries a cultural history. Pink is aggressively weird in a way that might stop a thumb mid-scroll for two seconds.

Whether it looks good by any objective measure is beside the point. The point is the moment of "wait, what?"—and a mouthful of teal enamel definitely delivers that. I don’t want it. But I understand it completely.