The Last Problem Worth Solving

The wheel is overrated. Fire, fine. The refrigerator does its quiet job and I respect it. But none of human invention has addressed the specific misery of lying there afterward—laptop still open on some industrial-scale production I thought would be interesting twenty minutes ago and now cannot explain—with nothing left in my brain except one clear thought: pizza.

You know the problem. You’ve just finished. Your hands are contextually occupied. Your higher cognitive functions are offline. And yet you still have to find your phone, open a delivery app designed by people who have clearly never had to do this under these conditions, remember your address because it always blanks out at this particular moment, locate your card, scroll past forty restaurants, confirm the order, wait for the button that doesn’t work the first time, and stay conscious long enough to eat. I usually fall asleep. I wake up hungry and vaguely resentful. It is a known problem and nobody was fixing it.

CamSoda has fixed it. Their RubGrub detects orgasm and places a pizza order the moment you finish. You still have to answer the door—pants optional, entirely your call—but the ordering happens without any input from you, triggered by your body in the precise window when your body is least capable of useful action. This is engineering in service of actual human experience. The wheel, honestly, can get in line.