A Motion to Turn On the Lights
Sibylle Schmidt, representing the AfD on Berlin’s Friedrichshain-Kreuzberg district assembly, stood before a public session and demanded that Berghain—the most famous techno club on earth—have its operating license revoked. The darkroom needed to be illuminated. Opening hours were to be capped at 6 AM. All sexual activity was to be "prevented through appropriate lighting and staffing."
I read this three times looking for the April Fool’s dateline.
The AfD is Germany’s far-right nationalist party, better known for its positions on immigration than on nightclub management. But here was Schmidt, formally proposing that Berghain be held to a 10 PM–6 AM schedule "to enable a drug-free visit in accordance with a natural biorhythm." Drugs of all kinds were being consumed and easily obtained, she argued. Young men and women were being hospitalized. At a site visit in 2010, several AIDS infections had apparently been discussed. A gynecologist from the nearby Vivantes hospital could be made available for any subsequent hearing. She also requested that the personal drug possession threshold be returned to zero grams, just to close any loopholes.
The proposal also took issue with Berghain’s door policy—the door staff described as "unintelligent, unattractive busybodies"—and argued the club enjoyed an unfair competitive advantage over more respectable venues. That competitive advantage, apparently, being that people actually want to go there.
What I genuinely appreciate here is the effort. Someone thought this through, drafted it in clean bureaucratic German, cited a site visit from eight years ago, proposed a witness list, and submitted it as an official parliamentary motion to the city of Berlin. That takes a particular kind of commitment. The AfD has had trouble generating headlines lately for reasons other than anti-immigration rhetoric, so apparently the strategy shifted: take a swing at Berghain, get a day’s worth of coverage, remind everyone you exist. Mission accomplished.
Berghain will be open this weekend. People will take drugs. People will fuck in the dark. Sibylle Schmidt will not be there.