Some People Just Can’t Be Interrupted
Close to noon on a Sunday in April, somewhere between Jannowitzbrücke and Ostbahnhof on Berlin’s S5 line, a 36-year-old woman decided she was going to go down on her 38-year-old partner. On the train. Full car. Kids present. Whether that was horniness, exhibitionism, or just a complete disregard for everyone around them, I genuinely don’t know, and I’m not sure it matters.
An 18-year-old told them to stop. The 36-year-old responded by insulting her and punching her in the face. Her partner—still, presumably, mid-situation—then went after the 18-year-old’s 19-year-old companion. A bystander grabbed the guy (open trousers and all) while someone else pulled the emergency brake as the train rolled into Ostbahnhof. The two victims walked away with bruising and scratches but didn’t need hospital treatment, which honestly feels like the only good news in this entire chain of events.
Berlin is full of this kind of story, and I love it for that in a way I can’t fully defend. The city operates with this implicit understanding that anything is technically permitted until someone objects loudly enough. The problem is always what happens after someone objects.
The couple ran. Federal police caught the woman in the station building based on witness descriptions and security footage. Her partner turned himself in shortly after. They were charged with public indecency, assault, and insult—a sentence that could describe half the population of Friedrichshain on any given weekend.
What I keep coming back to is the specific sequence of events: interrupted blowjob, immediate violence. It’s almost impressive as a priority system. You could make an argument—not a good one, but a coherent one—that being cockblocked in such spectacular fashion in front of a full train car is enraging. You’d still be wrong. A certain social contract exists even on the S-Bahn. It’s thin, it’s been tested, it occasionally requires negotiation. But it exists.
If you’re going to get head in public, the correct response when someone calls you out is embarrassment, not assault. Just a small tip from the margins of Berlin transit etiquette.