Of Beasts and Breasts
Let’s get this out of the way right away: Monster Girls is not exactly the deepest, smartest, or even remotely the most beautiful anime under the sun. Quite the opposite. The utterly idiotic story fits on a cum-stained biscuit, the dialogue mostly consists of swearing, screaming, and moaning, and the illustrations look like they came straight out of one of those seventh-rate hentai dating simulations made by some Russian backwoods developers that you regularly get thrown at you on Steam in ten-packs for about two bucks.
So what’s it about? For years the Japanese government had kept a secret: mythical creatures such as centaurs, mermaids, harpies, and lamias are real. Three years before the events of Monster Girls begin, the government revealed the existence of these beings and introduced a kind of cultural exchange program.
Since then, these creatures have become part of human society and live with ordinary families like exchange students or au-pair participants, though with different duties and restrictions. For example, humans are not allowed to mate with the strange beings. For whatever reason.
Enter Kimihito Kurusu, a typical run-of-the-mill Japanese fuckboy. When Kuroko Smith, a coordinator for the Japanese cultural exchange program and a female copy of a certain agent from the film Matrix, accidentally delivers the very frightened and embarrassed lamia Mia to his door, he doesn’t have the nerve to send her away and lets her move in. Naturally.
As the story progresses, Kimihito meets other female monsters, each belonging to a different species, and gives them shelter as well. Some arrive more or less by chance, others are forced on him by Kuroko or push themselves into his life, and it doesn’t take long before he finds himself in a chaotic situation in which he tries to live in harmony with his new housemates while dealing with their constant wishes, fears, and the drama that results from helping them adjust to life in the human world.
However, the situation takes a new turn after Kimihito is more or less charmingly informed that, due to an expected change in the law concerning relationships between species, he is expected—essentially as a test subject—to marry one of the girls, which greatly intensifies the competition for his attention.
Over time, episode by episode, other liminal beings also become attracted to him and start trying to win him over, much to Kimihito’s embarrassment and to the utter annoyance of his already outrageously horny housemates.
Monster Girls is one of those typical harem anime that has been told a thousand times before, in which a nose-bleeding protagonist is pursued by around ten extremely horny female characters. The only difference is that this time they happen to be monsters with more or less large breasts who absolutely want to be mounted right here and now.
We have Mia, the snake with the big breasts; Papi, the harpy with the small breasts; Zentrea, the centaur with the gigantic breasts; Sue, the slime creature with flexible breasts; Melu, the mermaid with big breasts; Rachnera, the spider with enormous breasts; Lala, the dullahan with big breasts; Zombina, the zombie with thick breasts; Tionisha, the ogre with huge breasts; Manako, the cyclops with small breasts; Doppel, the shapeshifter with average-sized breasts; Polt, the kobold with big breasts; Ki, the dryad with massive breasts; Lilith, the devil with small breasts; Cattle, the minotaur with enormous breasts; Luz, the fox with small breasts; Merino, the sheep with big breasts; and of course agent Kuroko, who is likewise blessed with a generous chest. By whoever.
In Monster Girls, the viewer is constantly bombarded from all sides by exposed secondary sexual characteristics—usually straight into Kimihito’s face, which causes him to cry, complain, or bleed. Often all three at once. The series doesn’t offer much more narrative depth than that. But that’s fine. Monster Girls doesn’t convince through an emotional story, clever twists, or even its drawing style.
Just watch the first five minutes of Monster Girls and you’ll know exactly what to expect from the following episodes. The series really only aims to do one thing: be fun. Anyone who has ever wanted to see an angry horse with big, wet boobs take down a motorcycle pickpocket will be in exactly the right place with Monster Girls. It doesn’t get any smarter than that—but not much dumber either. And in today’s otherwise unpredictable world, that’s worth something too.
For some, Monster Girls is a contemporary critique of the ongoing racism and sexism in 21st-century Japanese society. For others, it’s a colorful masturbation aid for perverts who have always wondered what sex with a moist, big-breasted snake might feel like.
Or, as the famous German philosopher Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel supposedly always used to say: Why not both?